Mother’s Day

I know, I know…. I haven’t posted in FOREVER! I just feel so strange posting here. I’m obviously still following all of you and keeping updated but I’m not doing my part, I guess. I’m so excited to see all of my “friends” posting about their new babies and Oregon Annie’s and new attempts. I love it all, but I just can’t seem to get it together, or get up the nerve to post about my son.  I wish I had followed through on my blog and posted every up-date, but I’ve been recording every single second in other ways. Anyways, it’s Mother’s Day and it’s bittersweet. I’ve been having a bit of a difficult time lately watching those of you who have been with me from the start- the ones who went through it all the first time and we almost  all ended up with babies. Now, you have second babies or are on the path to… I am so incredibly excited and happy for you all!!!!! Please don’t get me wrong! I feel crazy for even posting that I am jealous and wondering if we will ever have a sibling for our miracle. 

But, I digress… It’s Mother’s Day and Facebook is a trigger a I’ve been on the verge of tears for days. Not for just me and how grateful I am for my blessing but for those that are still dealing with the awfulness that loss and infertility takes on the soul. Sometimes Facebook is wonderful and other times I can’t take the pressure to succumb to the necessity of posts, especially because my family lives far away. This is the best I could do to mitigate the post I felt was necessary to recognize the moms in my family who want me to show them my live on the book of faces… I hope I did an okay job of getting it all across…

Making a Mother’s Day post is very difficult for me because I know how simply awful this time of year is for so many, whether it be the loss of a mother or the want to be a mother. Personally, I’ve gone back and forth about even posting anything at all. This time of year is bittersweet and I’ve been getting choked up about this day for the last few days. I want to acknowledge the strength of all people wanting to parent another human, and how difficult society makes it for everyone when things don’t go according to plan. 

With that said,

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms out there that never thought they’d be a mom after loss and infertility, to the mother’s who planned their babies and their parenting style, to the ones parenting adopted babies, to the ones who were gifted surprises that make every day better than the last, to the mamas that now are, were, and the ones to be. 

Happy Mother’s Day to my own mother, who has bent backwards supporting her children, my grandmother, my mother-in-law, my aunts, cousins, and friends. May this day remind you of your blessings and may you take the time to hold them near and recognize just how incredibly lucky you really are.
A friend posted this quote and I find it to be the most touching quote I’ve read about mothers:
“There are lots of different kinds of moms out there. Whether your babies are with you, with someone else, gone from this earth, or still a hope for the future; whether they were born to you or someone else; whether they are covered in skin or fur. To every woman out there who would sacrifice everything for a baby you have, had, or wish to have, I hope you find love and peace today and always.”

Thank you M!

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Vote for Zev from New Mexico!

After all the infertility costs, unexpected hospital bills from Zev’s birth, and his stay in the hospital this summer, we decided that it’s worth a shot to try for Gerber baby, right?! If you have a moment over the next few days and would be willing to help out- please vote for Zev from New Mexico for the next Gerber baby! You can look him up by typing in Zev or his id # 315834. Thanks everyone! ❤️❤️❤️

https://gerber.promo.eprize.com/photosearch2015/?entry_id=315834

  

Crying

I don’t know where else to cry but here I am… My baby is almost a year old and I am so overwhelmed with emotion. I never thought I would have a child, much less have one that is biologically both mine and my husband’s. It took us 8 years, rounds of iuis and ivfs, & miscarriage to finally get our miracle baby. He got pertussis at 8 months, which was the scariest thing in the world, and he has been exclusively breastfed. I am overwhelmed with emotion to see my baby growing into an incredibly beautiful and independent child. I am in awe of single-parents, and saddened by those that do not cherish every second of their childrens’ lives. I am overwhelmed with grateful bliss at this moment. Ahhhh….. I am so lucky and I can only hope that one day my little guy will have a sibling to grow up with. I feel horrible even saying that. I am an emotional mess.

Um, yea, so I’m that mama… I’m so sorry! (And it just so happens today is my 2 year blog anniversary!)

So I’m that person who NEVER EVER thought I would fall off of the face of the earth of blogging after going through all of this. This blog was my world for so long and I never ever thought I would have a child and I never ever thought I would stop blogging if I did. I felt so weird blogging after having Zev but I have been following all of you and am sooooo excited to know that sooo many of you have also come out on the other side. For those of you still trying, please do not EVER give up hope because it can happen! I have been blessed with the most perfect boy and am so excited to say that my cousin, who you might remember was also going through all of this sorrow, finally is about to adopt a baby-to-be within the next month or so!!!! And I just found out that my second cousin, who I don’t really know, just found out that her IVF cycle worked!!! (Please send positive energy her way for a happy, healthy, sticky pregnancy!) Our family, after all of our struggles, has been beyond blessed and I really believe it is because we have all truly persevered toward what we want our futures to be!

Well, I guess I need to give an update. I have never been happier in my life and could never have even imagined being this happy, even when I was in the deepest darkest spaces of infertility thinking about the possibility of having a child. This beautiful boy makes me so incredibly happy 24 hours a day each and every day!!!! Although the path here was quite the struggle, he has been perfect since arriving. We have never been sleep-deprived, his teething of his first two teeth went well, breastfeeding is incredible, and he has been ahead of the game in every respect. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. hubby and I can’t believe he’s here and he is ours. I don’t feel like that feeling is EVER going to go away!!!! I treasure every single moment. His cries make me smile with love because I never thought I would hear my own child cry. My husband feels the same way. I cry often because I am so happy.

I would like to try to update this blog a little more often than I have because it is so difficult to find time to write months worth of posts in one post. I went back to work very, very part-time this semester but it is all coming to an end and I hope I can update more often now.

Zev is 7 MONTHS OLD tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!!! SEVEN!!!!! What?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Here are some photos from where I left off to document the past bunch of months!

Partytime Zev 2Z 3 month photo (B)Zev 4 months photo BZev 5 months 18 - finalZev 6 month photo Zev 6 months 10 days AWWWW!Zev painting 1-2015 C Zev Calder Yin YangZev 1-28-14 Azev v-day 2015Zev St Pats Day 2015 G Zev Easter flowers 2015 Zev Easter 2015 D  Jenn and Zev at Zoo March 2015

10 week baby update

I never thought I’d be that new mom who just stopped blogging after her baby was born. Really, I thought about it before, and I always told myself that I would make a point to keep up. Boy was I wrong! Jeez! I can’t believe I haven’t posted in over a month. Yes, there’s not a lot of time to sit down and write with this new bundle of pure joy, but I guess I also just don’t know what to write about. It seems so strange to continue writing on this blog, so I think I will probably not update here much anymore, until the next FET. So, for now a quick update on new motherhood and Mister Zev and a few photos taboot.

Every single day I am in shock that I have a baby. I am so happy to wake up everyday and that this all isn’t a dream. Zev has been a wonderful sleeper since he was born and we were never sleep deprived! (knock on wood) We knocked on wood for 10 weeks and we will continue to, but this kid is a rock-star sleeper at night. He really is a wonderful baby. I am enjoying every single moment of motherhood and I can’t imagine being any happier. I feel so blessed and am in total disbelief that we are actually parents to this beautiful tiny human. Zev was 23 inches and 12 lbs at his appointment at 9 weeks old. Today he is 10 weeks 4 days old. He is starting to really hold his head up like a champ and loves sitting up by holding onto my fingers. He can roll from his stomach to his back and is enjoying tummy time more than he used to. He is a loud baby, cooing and talking up a storm, although he’s been doing that for awhile, but recently he’s gotten louder. He has started playing with his rattle and some stuffed toys in the last couple weeks. Sometimes he’ll play in his activity gym, talking like crazy, for 45 minutes! He also loves to chew on his hands and has become a bubble-making slobber machine.

Here are some photos of my little miracle. I am having sooo much fun (maybe too much fun) photographing this kid!

I made this sushi costume for Zev and luckily got this great photo on our cutting board before my mother-in-law changed his diaper for the first time and he peed all over it before his daddy got home from work to see him in it.

I made this sushi costume for Zev for Halloween and luckily got this great photo on our cutting board before my mother-in-law changed his diaper for the first time and he peed all over it before his daddy got home from work to see him in it.

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Zev first Thanksgiving 2014 (A)

Thanksgiving

Zev first Thanksgiving 2014 (G)

Thanksgiving

Zev first Thanksgiving 2014 (E)

Thanksgiving

Zev's uncle came to visit and brought him his first sports bag :)

Zev’s uncle came to visit and brought him his first sports bag 🙂

Zev 2 months 12-2-14 (B)IMG_3323

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IMG_3766

IMG_3684Zev first xmas ornamentszev first christmas ornaments 8zev first christmas ornaments 7Zev Xmas lights 1Zev lights 5Zev lights 2 copy

photo with Santa at the Natural History Museum in front of Stan the T-Rex

photo with Santa at the Natural History Museum in front of Stan the T-Rex

Me and my elf :)

Me and my elf 🙂

My birth story – 41 weeks 1 day

I woke up in the morning on October 1 at 41 weeks exactly with cramps and wondered if today was the big day of the start of labor. Hubby and I headed off bright and early for the first appointment of the day at the Perinatology office for our BPP (Biophysical profile) to be sure Baby Keytar was doing alright in there. The ultrasound went wonderfully and Baby Keytar looked happy as a clam. The doctor congratulated us on having the oldest baby in the office today. We left there feeling great and headed to our birthing center to meet with our midwife and do a NST (non-stress test). Hubby and I sat and did the NST for quite a long time, as Baby Keytar wanted to make it difficult for us by being very mellow and sleepy for the first hour or so. The NST looked great and paired with the BPP, we were given the go ahead to continue waiting for baby’s arrival. We opted to do a cervical check and have our midwife sweep my membranes to see if we could get things started. I was dilated to 2 cm and Baby Keytar was way down low at +1 station. I bled a little bit after the sweep, but not as much as last week. Hubby and I drove back up the mountain so he could drop me off at home and then head back to work.

By the time we got home I was feeling extremely crampy. He asked if he should go back to work and I told him yes. This was at about 1:00 pm. By 4:30 pm, I was on the computer finding out how to time contractions. I downloaded a contraction-timing app and waited for hubby to come home. He got home about 5:30 pm and we started timing the contractions. They were about 5-6 minutes apart. We planned on timing them for about an hour to get the hang of the app, but we never stopped. They got closer together pretty quickly and much more intense. I was able to eat a chicken caesar wrap at 8:00 pm but that was the last food I had for a long time. I labored throughout the evening, mostly walking/standing through the contractions, as sitting or lying down through them was much worse. I took a warm bath, but that was only comfortable for about 10-15 minutes. I consulted some labor position diagrams from our birthing center book and we tried those, with some pillows on a chair for my head to rest on and a pillow on the ground to kneel on working very well. Hubby made me some labor-ade and I drank that throughout the night, but food wasn’t working because as soon as I started chewing something another contraction would come on and I would feel nauseous and spit it out. I was having some bloody show as well. I used my hypnobirthing trigger to help me through the contractions and I was able to slow them down from about 3-4 minutes between to 6-7 minutes between for about an hour from 1:00 am – 2:00 am while I got some sleep between them on the couch. Hubby slept from about 12:30 am – 2:30 am on the couch until I finally woke him up. My contractions were between 2-3 minutes apart and we finally decided to call the midwife and consult with her. Our midwife and my hubby decided we would leave our house at 4:00 am and head to the birthing center, which is about 40-45 minutes away. Getting out of the house took a little longer than expected due to the contractions stopping me in my tracks but eventually we got in the car and headed to the city. My contractions slowed back down to about 6 minutes apart on our way there – I think it was a psychological thing because having the contractions in the car was so painful I used my hypnosis trigger to try and keep them away.

We met the midwife, R, at the birthing center at about 5:00 am and she checked me out. I was 4 cm dilated and baby’s head was at +1 station. I had a good deal of bloody show and we decided to walk around the labyrinth outside to try to get the contractions closer together again. Midwife R checked my blood pressure and it was elevated. We did some bloodwork and a urine analysis and sent it to the labs, expecting it back at about 9 am. I continued laboring and my blood pressure continued to remain elevated. Hubby and I decided to move to the bed and listen to my hypnobirthing audio. I was able to get my blood pressure to go down a bit, but it was too late. My blood pressure had already been too high to continue birthing at the natural birthing center and it was decided that I would need to transfer to UNMH. I was very disappointed but felt that I needed to do whatever was best for me and the baby.

Dr. L, who I had talked to about my gestational diabetes earlier in the summer and had heard amazing things about, would be at the hospital to deliver Baby Keytar. Hubby and I hopped in the car and drove to the hospital. Midwife R would be right behind us and a doula, A, would meet us there as well. I called my mom from the car on the way there to let her know what was happening, having to tell her to hold on while I breathed through contractions.

We arrived at the hospital at about 8:00 am. Hubby walked me in to the hospital and I sat in a chair waiting for him while he parked the car. I used my hypnobirthing trigger to get me through the contractions and he was back by my side in about 7 minutes. We went upstairs to Labor and Delivery and they were expecting me. I got all hooked up with an IV and had some blood and urine taken. My blood pressure was rising so it was good I was there. It was determined that I had developed severe preeclampsia, which was extremely unexpected, although I have now been told that the risk is higher with IVF pregnancies, as well as IVF pregnancies having a higher risk of a crazy placenta. No shit- my placenta really fucked with me this pregnancy with the gestational diabetes and now this!

Anyway, I met Dr. L and he was just as amazing as I thought he’d be. He was totally on board with our birth preferences and promised to do everything possible to get us the birth we wanted. Midwife R came to the hospital and was there until we were all settled with our doula in our birthing room. I was brought to my birthing room, maybe about 9:30 am? My doula, A, hung up the prayer flags my family and friends made for me during my baby showers and I was feeling very comfortable with the situation. I got hooked up to some magnesium sulfate, which was to keep me from having a seizure or stroke, and I labored all day and into the night. I kept up high spirits throughout the day, making jokes – hubby said I was really funny. After everything we had been through to get this baby, I wasn’t going to allow anything to get me down. I was in labor and about to have a baby!!! I couldn’t have been happier.

I was 9 cm dilated and Baby Keytar’s head was sooo low for many, many hours. Everyone thought that the baby was coming soon, like in an hour, for the entire day. The next thing I knew the sun was going down and I was still in labor, on mag, on blood pressure medication, now on pitocin because the mag was slowing down my contractions, and still in labor. Did I mention I was STILL in labor?! I pushed for 3 hours after going through the whole transition, shaking, puking thing. Three hours of hard-core pushing and Keytar’s head kept coming down and going right back where it was. Finally I decided that I was losing energy and nothing was happening. I had been in labor for well over 24 hours and was running out of steam. I did not want a c-section and was starting to get nervous that I was getting too tired to continue. My birth team, Hubby, Casey, Doula A, Dr. L, and I had a little powwow and decided that using the vacuum to pull Baby Keytar down a bit further would be a huge help. We all agreed. Dr. L hooked it up and I pushed with all my might to get that kid to descend a little further. We got his head a little further down and Dr. L popped the suction cup off his head and told me that it was all up to me now. (That vacuum was a very strange feeling , by the way – lots of pressure.)

There were a ton of people in the room at this point, and I felt like I was putting on a show. I just HAD TO get this baby out – everyone was watching! I couldn’t let them down! They set up a large mirror so I could see what was happening and I swear I couldn’t have gotten this baby out without the mirror. I could see the head move out when I pushed and then move back in when I stopped. People would tell me to take a break but watching the head go back in made me mad, so I just pushed and pushed until finally that baby came out. Dr. L held him up for Hubby to make the announcement: It’s a boy! Baby Keytar was born at 10:37 pm on October 2, 2014 Mountain time.

Our miracle baby boy was immediately put on my chest and cried. Hubby and I couldn’t believe it. Hubby cried. I got my vaginal birth, with a mirror, with no pain meds! No epidural. No c-section. No tearing or stitches. AND I was on pitocin! Woohoo! I beat the odds! I was so proud of myself.

Baby Keytar was crying up a storm, on my chest, inching his way toward my breast. We did a delayed cord clamping and hubby was able to cut the cord. The pediatric/ NICU team decided after about 20 minutes that they wanted to assess Baby Keytar due to his bluish hue and the sound of his crying. They decided that it sounded like there may be some fluid in his lungs so they took him, with Hubby, to the NICU, while Dr. L dealt with my pesky placenta. All throughout the labor I bled and bled and bled, and we were sure the placenta was abrupting. I lost over a liter of blood. After having the baby, the placenta would not come out. Dr. L said, “You got your birth without pain meds, now is the time for pain meds.” He had to go in with his hands FIVE times to get that pesky placenta and its little pieces out! OUCH!!! That placenta gave me gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, made me lose a liter of blood during birth and now it won’t come out on its own, or whole! I decided then and there I would not be ingesting that thing! It made my beautiful baby boy but I wanted nothing more to do with it having anything to do with my body. We saved it and will plant it under a tree, but there was no way I was ingesting that thing! Dr. L said that he sees rugged-looking placentas that give women a hard time often with IVF. Huh!

Anyway, after all the mag, blood pressure medication, 30 hours of labor, and the pain meds from the placenta debacle, I was done. I slept for about an hour and a half until they made me get on a rolling bed to go to the NICU and then my room. They rolled me into the NICU and hubby was so in another world that he didn’t even recognize me at first. He had been there with Baby Keytar the entire time. He tried to do skin-to-skin with him, but pretty quickly our feisty little man ripped out his IV so he was taken away to get that resolved. When I rolled in they placed him next to me on the bed and let me spend about 20 minutes with him. I was pretty out of it but it was one of the best moments of my life! I said goodbye to our baby boy and hubby and they brought me to my room, where Casey was waiting for me. A little while later, at about 3 am, hubby finally came to the room to get some sleep and Casey went home.

I spent the next 5 days in that hospital room. Baby Keytar spent Friday, Saturday, and part of Sunday in the NICU across the hall. We visited him as often as we could. My midwife brought us some donor breast milk for him and I pumped colostrum to give him as well. My blood pressure was still sky-high and I was feeling pretty crappy. They had me on a ton of blood pressure medication after taking me off the Mag 24 hours after giving birth. On Saturday my blood pressure spiked super high again and we had a bit of a negligent group of nurses that day, which sent me into the start of an anxiety attack after they made me miss seeing my baby all day and didn’t take my blood pressure for like 6 hours leading to a super high rise. We complained about the negligence and the rest of our stay was as wonderful and supportive as the first part. (Apparently Saturdays aren’t a very good day to be in the hospital.)

Baby Keytar was on antibiotics in the NICU in case of possible pneumonia, while we waited the necessary 48-72 hours to find out if there were positive cultures suggesting pneumonia. He was doing great and all of his tests came back normal. On Saturday night one of the NICU nurses let us know that someone had defrosted and refroze our donor breastmilk so they had to throw it away. We were very upset because that meant the baby would not have enough breastmilk to get him through the night. Fortunately I had packed for a hospital birth with a NICU stay and had bought a container of organic formula JUST IN CASE. Thank goodness for my obsessive planning because I had EVERYTHING you could think of needing for a 6 day hospital stay after a birth with a baby in the NICU. So anyway, Baby Keytar only ended up getting one small bottle of formula. My friend, B, who had given birth about 2 months earlier had a plethora of pumped stored milk so she brought enough to the hospital to get us through the remainder of our stay, but my milk came in right when I needed it to, when Baby Keytar was discharged from the NICU and brought to my room to stay with me on Sunday night. Thank God for Dr. Leeman – he said, “get them their baby!” and our baby was brought to us without having to do all the crazy NICU discharge stuff. Although the NICU had given Baby Keytar a pacifier and a bottle, we were able to establish breastfeeding in about 12 hours, with the help of a couple wonderful nurses, a lactation consultant, and a handy dandy syringe to squirt drops of breastmilk onto my breast to get him to latch. I am soooo grateful that breastfeeding has been so easy for us!!!!!!!

Baby Keytar was delivered to us on Sunday afternoon and my mother flew in that evening after we called her that morning and explained that we thought we’d need more help than expected, since I wasn’t doing very well. Originally we had planned for the first week to be visitor-free so it could just be hubby, ma, and the baby, but all of our “plans” had gone to shit so why not that one too?!

I was finally discharged on Tuesday late afternoon. Thank God my mother was here because I couldn’t do much for the first couple weeks. She stayed for about 2 1/2 weeks, my dad came for a week and overlapped with my mom, then my mother-in-law came the day before my dad left and my father-in-law came last weekend. My in-laws left on Sunday. This has been my first week alone as a mommy and family of 3. It has been pure bliss. For the most part my blood pressure seems to be behaving itself since I finally weened off all meds a week + ago. I am enjoying every second of being a mommy and having a perfect and adorable baby. He is incredible! Hubby and I have been blessed (thus far- knock on wood!!!) with no sleep deprivation. We are cosleeping and nursing a couple times to a few times a night and hubby is in charge of diaper changes at night. It’s going really well so far! I’m sure there are things I left out and I will probably come back and add things in as I remember them, but it’s been so long since I’ve posted that I really want to get this posted. Afterall, Baby Keytar is FIVE weeks tonight!!!!

Oh, and as for Baby Keytar’s real name… His name is Zev Odin. Zev is Hebrew for wolf. My husband is Jewish so we loved the idea of a Hebrew name, while January is the month of the wolf in German, which is part of my heritage. Our embryo transfer was in January so the month of the wolf seemed perfect! Also, Odin is the Norse God of culture, art, literature, etc. and is for my Scandinavian background. Zev has my husband’s last name, since I never changed my last name.

Welcome Zev Odin!!! October 2, 2014. 10:27 pm. 8lb. 1 oz, 21 inches long. He was 10lb. 3 oz. at 4 weeks 5 days. He never lost any weight after being born!!!

Zev hospital

3 days old, after all the tape, tubes, and wires were removed

9 days old

9 days old

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9 days old

Zev 1 month Nov 2, 2014

1 month old!

Zev and daddy hoody

Z with daddy (4 weeks old)

Zev 5 weeks in stroller

Today, 5 weeks old tonight, on our evening walk in the stroller

Much needed update- sorry!

I just wanted to post a quick update about my new baby BOY! I’m so sorry I fell off the face of the blogosphere! Baby Keytar arrived at 10:27 pm on October 2, weighing in at 8 lb. 1 oz. and was 21 inches long. I was 41 weeks 1 day and in labor for 30 hours! I developed severe preeclampsia during my labor and was in the hospital for 6 days. My blood pressure meds made me feel awful this past week, which is why I haven’t had any extra time to post anything. I didn’t want anyone to worry, so I felt the need to give you all a quick update. I will be writing up my birth story as soon as I can. Thank you to those of you who checked in on me! I am over-the-moon in love and in total disbelief all day every day!!!!

40 weeks 4 days – Keytar’s “late” and now everyone is driving me insane! AND this is my 100th post – so that means it’s time to come out Keytar!

Everyone is driving me crazy! I know everyone is just excited and wants to know when Baby Keytar arrives – but I can’t stand all of the texts and questioning! He/She will arrive when good and ready and we will tell you! It’s hard enough not knowing when my body is going to go into labor – I don’t need your pressure. I stopped answering everyone yesterday – they can text or call hubby if they need to (except my parents and brother). Ok, rant over.

Yes, Baby Keytar is still baking to perfection in there. We had a midwife appointment on Wednesday, the 24th, our due date. After much discussion, we decided to do a cervical check. My cervix was posterior, so she had to pull it a bit in front of baby’s head, which was not pleasant and caused me to bleed for several hours, but it stopped and all was fine. Anyway, I was not dilated at all, 60% effaced, and baby’s head was at zero station. I guess the dilation and effacement don’t necessarily mean anything at all, except that I couldn’t have my membrane’s swept. But, my midwife was very happy about where baby’s head is, so we’re happy about that too. It means he/she fits and progress is happening.

Thursday and Friday I went and had my acupuncturist do aggressive treatments with induction points and some electroacupuncture. We figured we don’t want me to have to have an induction, or even get to next Wednesday (41 weeks), when I have a BPP and NST scheduled, so I’m going hardcore with the acupuncture treatments. I lost my mucus plug on Thursday, early evening.  Let’s just do this naturally, at the birth center, before Wednesday – please Baby Keytar?! Hopefully, all the bouncing on the birth ball, walking miles upon miles each day, acupuncture, and massaging my acupressure points will get this show on the road in the next couple days. Today we tried the driving on a bumoy road trick and took a morning trip back to Diamondtail Ranch, where we went the day after we found out my hcg wasn’t doubling and had our celestine prophecy day. We saw the cowboy, some petroglyphs, and some Wild horses. Hopefully the magical energy of the place and the bumpy road helped? Friday night we ate spicy New Mexican food and last night we had eggplant parm. I’m trying everything on the lists of ways to naturally induce. At least we’ll get our Libra baby! 🙂

40 weeks 3 days

40 weeks 3 days

One Lovely Blog Award

onelovelyblogaward

Thank you so much to hellomynameistubeless for the One Lovely Blog Award! I started this blog about a year and a half ago when I was getting ready to start my IVF cycles, after many, many years of TTC and 4 failed IUIs. I wanted to document my story for myself and hoped that maybe someone might be able to relate. What I have found is an incredible community of women who I am so thankful for having in my life throughout my journey. I was not expecting this blogging community to be as much of a support group as it has been! Shannon, from hellomynameistubeless, and I have been following one another’s blogs for a very long time, and I just adore her. She has been through so much, yet she always bounces back with smiles and a positive outlook on the future! She also makes incredibly awesome wreaths, as well as does a lot of other fun and crafty things! Check out her etsy shop when you have a chance: https://www.etsy.com/shop/GoshYarnItWreaths Thank you so much for this award!

The criteria for accepting a One Lovely Blog Award are:

  1. List the rules.
  2. Thank your nominator.
  3. List seven (7) facts about yourself.
  4. Nominate 15 other bloggers and let them know you did.
  5. Display the award logo and follow your nominator.

7 Random Facts About Me:

1. I am a total introvert and homebody. I prefer to be by myself, or only with my husband, over anything else (well, except for going to Phish shows with my friends).

2. I am a die-hard Phish fan and have been to almost 100 Phish shows since I was 15 in 1995. I would go to more if I had the money, but I also LOVE live music in general – AND dancing, so some of the money goes to other shows as well. The Grateful Dead is my second favorite band.

3. I had dreadlocks for 5+ years of my life and I miss them everyday.

4. I am an artist-in-medicine and I teach about arts-in-medicine at the University of New Mexico.

5. I try to eat as organically as possible, absolutely love cooking (especially with my husband), and I love to grow my garden!

6. I live at 7000 ft in the mountains of New Mexico and have an incredible 180 degree view from my southern deck, as well as can see further than 100 miles away from the north side of my house. I LOVE New Mexico’s beauty, especially when it has been raining for months. I don’t like dry and hot with no trees, but much of New Mexico, and where I live has rain and snow and green growth. We moved here in 2002, after graduating from Rutgers University in NJ, with plans of staying here for about 2 years. We have been here for 12 years now.

7. I love having pets and aspire to have goats and horses in my future. I have 3 dogs, 3 cats, and 6 chickens.

I am going to pass this award on to my fellow bloggers who have been super supportive of me, as well as inspired me as I have been on this pretty difficult journey. I know that a lot of them have already been nominated, or might not have the time to do this, so please know that I don’t expect you to do a blog post, just know that I think your blog is lovely!

A Calm Persistence

HER Bun. MY Oven

Hello My Name Is TUBELESS

Hopefulandhungry

Ksirahsirah

Myhopejar

Lumpsandbumps

Mon Petit Chateau

My Lady Bits

So, You’re Saying There’s A Chance?

Something Out Of Nothing

Spiritbabycomehome

Steph Mignon

Tear Drops Falling

The Guppy Chronicles

Waiting For Baby Bird

39 weeks 4 days

How Far Along: 39 weeks 4 days

How Big is Baby: Baby Keytar is the size of a mini watermelon! I really don’t know exactly how big though – could be anywhere from 7-8 lbs I guess, but I don’t really feel like he/she is 8 lbs., but I’ve never done this before so I really have no frame of reference.

Gender: Not finding out, but we’re sure it’s a boy.

Baby’s Milestones This Week: Baby Keytar is still developing fat and the outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

Total Weight Gain: about 26 lbs. I lost a lb. this past week, which I hear is normal right before birth.

Who We’ve Told About the Pregnancy: Mostly everyone knows.

Maternity Clothes: Mostly, but i have sundresses that aren’t really maternity dresses that I am comfortable in – like the one in today’s photo.

Stretch Marks: nope, nothing new since the few on my breasts that happened early on in the pregnancy, but they’re pretty light.

Sleep: I slept better last night than I have in forever! I listened to an 8 hour long deep sleep ambient music meditation on youtube with headphones. I had been sleeping terribly and needed to try something new. I also added two throw pillows from the couch to my situation – one under my arms and one between my knees. They’re smaller than bed pillows and were much more comfortable and easier to move when I switched sides throughout the night.

Best Moment of the Week: Realizing that everything is ready for Baby Keytar’s arrival and that he/she is doing awesome in there.

Food Cravings: Anything and everything! Sushi!

Food Aversions: just sick of eggs, quesadillas, and the same old shit I eat all the time.

Symptoms: tired, carpal tunnel (although massage is really helping that!!!!), large and in-charge belly

Labor Signs: Yesterday I started feeling really heavy in my pelvic area. I get some sharp groin pains here and there, mostly at night when I’m standing. I was a tiny bit nauseas yesterday and was having light period-like cramps and my back hurt a couple times.

Belly Button In or Out: out

Wedding Rings On or Off: Off

Mood: starting to get a tiny bit nervous and anxious but overall, feeling great!

Movement: yup!

What I’m Looking Forward To: meeting Baby Keytar! But I’m holding out until Tuesday for libra, which is crazy, I know, but I’m still trying!

What I Miss: eating whatever I want to

Nesting: Yup! The house is ready for baby’s arrival! We’re keeping things clean and sitting around drawing on blank onesies. I made this sleep sack yesterday with Phish lyrics and hubby’s working on a onesie with a van Gogh image and Phish lyrics that’s gonna look awesome.

39 weeks 4 days bump

39 weeks 4 days – probably my last photo?

sleep sack roggae phish circus 2

The sleep sack I drew on while sitting around the other night. (Phish lyrics, as usual 😉 )

sleep sack roggae phish circus 1

pumpkin hat

absolutely adorable pumpkin hat my mom ordered for photos.

bear hat girl

The woman who made the pumpkin hat threw in this cute bear hat too! The flower is a clip, so we can take it off, since it’s probably a boy 😉

bear hat boy

without the bow

38 weeks – Just playing the waiting game now

How Far Along: 38 weeks 4 days

How Big is Baby: Not really sure, but the last ultrasound projected baby to be 7 lb. 15 oz. in 3 days from now, but our midwife told us that the Perinatal place we went to has a history of overestimating by a lb, so we really won’t know until Baby Keytar arrives.

Gender: Not finding out, but we’re 99.9% sure it’s a boy.

Baby’s Milestones This Week: Baby Keytar is preparing for birth! All systems are almost go! Vernix and lanugo continue to shed from baby’s body into the amniotic fluid. He/she swallows that amniotic fluid and some of it winds up in his or her intestines where it — along with other shed cells, bile and other waste products (triple yum) — will turn into his/her baby’s first bowel movement (meconium) and perhaps our first diaper change. His/her lungs continue to mature and produce more and more surfactant, a substance that prevents the air sacs in his/her lungs from sticking to one another once he/she starts to breathe. Most other changes this week are small but important: He/she’s continuing to add fat and fine-tuning his/her brain and nervous system.

Total Weight Gain: about 26-27 lbs.

Who We’ve Told About the Pregnancy: Mostly everyone knows.

Maternity Clothes: Yup, mostly, although I do have a few dresses, shirts, and skirts that fit from pre-pregnancy because they’re hippie/flowy. I’ve been spending a lot of time in skirts, yoga pants, and my Yankees t-shirt.

Stretch Marks: nope, nothing new since the few on my breasts that happened early on in the pregnancy, but they’re pretty light.

Sleep: lots of tossing and turning and pillow switching between legs and under arms and lots of peeing. not sleeping well at all!

Best Moment of the Week: reaching 38 weeks! And officially finishing all my responsibilities for work. I am sad to not be working some of my shifts, especially my Psych center shift, but it’s exciting to relax and wait for our little miracle to arrive! We also had our breastfeeding and pumping classes, which were extremely informative!

Food Cravings: I’m still holding out for some pizza, Olive Garden, cheesecake, sushi, and pretty much anything I haven’t been allowed to eat since starting the gestational diabetes diet. I ate 1/2 cup of vanilla ice cream a couple nights this week and it was pure heaven.

Food Aversions: Starting to get really sick and tired of quesadillas!

Symptoms: tired, carpal tunnel (although massage is really helping that!!!!), large and in-charge belly

Labor Signs: Not really. I have had a few Braxton Hicks. Last night our evening walk was pretty tough. I was really waddling and had a couple contractions. Baby feels really low now.

Belly Button In or Out: out but not crazy pointy

Wedding Rings On or Off: Off

Mood: starting to get a tiny bit nervous and anxious but overall, feeling great!

Movement: yup!

What I’m Looking Forward To: meeting Baby Keytar!

What I Miss: eating whatever I want to

Nesting: Yup! The house is ready for baby’s arrival! I’m finishing up my pregnancy scrapbook and we finally just finished the last of our baby shower thank you notes. I’ve been trying to keep this place in tip top clean condition! I also made 14 belgian waffles last night and froze them to add to our stash.

Hubby took some really cool photos of me when we were on our way to the birth center today! We always pass this great alleyway that has some awesome graffiti, so since we were running a bit ahead of schedule and happened to have the camera in the car, we decided to stop and take a few.

38 week 4 day bump

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 12

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 11

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 10

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 9

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 8

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 7

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 6

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 5

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 4

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 3

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 2

38 weeks 4 days bump graffiti 1

 

37 weeks & we’re pretty much ready! Nursery & Quilt are done!

How Far Along: 37 weeks 3 days (Whhhaaaaaaaattttt?!!!)

How Big is Baby: Yesterday our ultrasound weighed baby in at 7 lbs. 4 oz. (but we were reminded that at this late in the game there is a margin of error – I’ve heard anywhere from 1/2 – 1 lb.) The perinatologists’ computer told us that the projected weight at 39 weeks is 7 lbs. 15 oz.

Gender: Not finding out (but we’re pretty sure it’s a boy!) I can’t believe we made it this far without someone slipping!

Baby’s Milestones This Week: Baby’s brain & lungs are still developing and he/she is still plumping up!

Total Weight Gain: 27 lbs

Who We’ve Told About the Pregnancy: I think mostly everyone knows now.

Maternity Clothes: yup, and they are S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D or short!

Stretch Marks: not really. the ones I got on my breasts at the start of my pregnancy have pretty much faded (weird) and still no sign of anything to speak of on my belly! Hoping it stays that way!

Sleep: Drinking CALM (magnesium) before bed has helped a lot! But it’s not wonderful sleep, but I can’t really complain – it could be MUCH worse!

Best Moment of the Week: Making it to 37 weeks, which is the “green zone” to have the baby at the birth center legally!!!! 37 weeks?!?!?! Whoa!!!! AND, our last growth ultrasound yesterday was perfect, so we are done with the perinatologist (& no more dietician/ diabetes educator either – All of my numbers have been superb so we didn’t even meet with her yesterday.) 

Food Cravings: pizza, sushi, pasta

Food Aversions: none

Symptoms: big belly; baby pushing butt out to one side and feet out the other side causing a very sore left side of my uterus; gestational diabetes; getting more tired, sore finger joints after/during sleep (carpal tunnel)

Labor Signs: Nope, not yet. Baby is low and I can feel just how low he/she is, which is making walking much more difficult. 

Belly Button In or Out: Out, but it’s not one of those crazy pointy outies, lol

Wedding Rings On or Off: Off for awhile now but it still feels weird. I can’t wait to put it back on. My fingers aren’t really swollen, but I’m just leaving it off because after I exercise or if I get hot then it does get tight.

Mood: excited!

Movement: Lots of pushing his/her butt out to one side of my belly button and a foot or hand out the side of my belly. My left side of my uterus is sore.

What I’m Looking Forward To: Meeting Baby Keytar and becoming a mommy!

What I Miss: I miss not having to count carbs and test my blood and being able to eat whatever I want.

Nesting: We spent our 4 day weekend last weekend cooking like crazy people! We made and froze a ton of healthy, almost 100% organic food!!! 4 quiches, 5 chicken pot pies, lasagna with homemade sauce, baked ziti with homemade sauce, raspberry/blueberry/strawberry oatmeal muffins, a bunch of red and green chile sauce, chicken noodle soup, broccoli cheese soup, lactation cookie dough, energy bites, and i think that might be it, although I feel like I’m forgetting stuff. My mom also made meatballs and sauce, as well as chili, while she was here, so we have that too. We’re stocked and stoked! I can NOT wait to be able to et all of it! In addition to food, we finished setting up the changing area in our bedroom and the nursery is complete. I finished the curtains for the nursery and was able to turn the leftover fabric into curtains for my hubby’s bathroom. I also finished the baby quilt and I love it! I also strung up all the prayer flags people made us so they are ready to go! We’re trying to keep the house nice and clean at this point also, so when we get home everything is nice and clean and in order. (It’s not as easy as it sounds with 3 dogs and 3 cats and all their furr!) And this morning we did my belly cast- which is looking pretty awesome! I plan on trimming it up in a few days, sanding it down & smoothing it out, and probably making it bronze, like a sculpture.

37w2d bump

37w2d bump

belly cast 37w3d

the rough belly cast. I’ll post photos when I get around to finishing it all up.

nursery from doorway

view of the nursery from the doorway

The crib, Calder-inspired mobile, and the quilt we made

The crib, Calder-inspired mobile, and the quilt we made

The crane mobile we bought at a farmer's market in May. It has been hanging in the nursery as we've worked on it. It says "Healing", which was certainly part of the process while creating this nursery and going through this pregnancy.

The crane mobile we bought at a farmer’s market in May. It has been hanging in the nursery as we’ve worked on it. It says “Healing”, which was certainly part of the process while creating this nursery and going through this pregnancy.

Calder-inspired mobile

Calder-inspired mobile

nursery with ceilingnursery looking up east curtains closed

nursery looking SE curtains closednursery looking SE curtains opennursery hutchchanging area with closetchanging area & closet

Quilt Top

Quilt Top

Quilt Back

Quilt Back

quilt front closeup

quilt front closeup

Quilt Front Closeup

Quilt Front Closeup

Quilt Back Closeup

Quilt Back Closeup

 

 

Another long update long past due… weeks 32 through 35 (36 weeks today!)

I am so far behind. I really need to catch this blog up because I use it to make my pregnancy scrapbook which is incredibly far behind and needs to be finished very soon! I have to get it finished before Baby Keytar arrives or I know I will never get it done! 

My parents have been here for the last 12 days, so between that, a baby shower, gestational diabetes, and birth classes/homework, I have had no time to update. I am ready to sit on the couch and do that now though.

So, since my last update A LOT has happened, as you can probably imagine. I’m going to try to get it all down without making it super long and boring. The best part is probably all the photos at the end 😉

First of all, we switched Perinatal offices and what an incredibly HUGE relief that has been. The Perinatology office we had been going to is very conservative and not individualized AT ALL! Every time I went there everything was perfect with Baby Keytar, but I left there feeling unsettled. The last time we went there they hooked me up for a NST and would not answer any of my questions about what they were doing or how it worked. They left the room, the baby was sleeping and the monitor kept turning off and a red light kept flashing, leaving us to think the baby’s heart had stopped, and then the paper ran out, which we didn’t know so then it really seemed like the baby’s heart had stopped. It triggered some pretty awful memories. I cried to the midwife there, telling her I felt unsettled and that I didn’t want to have BPPs and NSTs every week. She confirmed that the baby was fine, rehooked me up to the NST machine again and we got a good reading that time. We got a 10/10 on the BPP & NST, but I still left there feeling like my baby could die at any moment. Not cool. In addition, the gestational diabetes educator/ dietician was not very helpful and had a reputation for just putting people on insulin because “it isn’t a big deal”. Well, maybe not for some people! But for me, if I get put on medication, I cannot have my baby at the birth center. I had been testing 4 times a day, 1 hour after eating, for 5 weeks and my numbers were really good. I was exercising 30 minutes minimum after each meal. Between cooking, eating, exercising, and testing my entire day was completely filled and I could barely get anything done. I was basically on house arrest, because I refused to test outside of my home, because the one time I did I got a high number. I didn’t know if a couple numbers a few points higher than my 130 cutoff was going to put me on medication or not and each and every day I was so incredibly unhappy and stressed out 4 times a day watching the countdown on my meter to my blood sugar number. (Not to mention the fact that this whole thing is so absurdly unscientific – you can get a number that is 20 points different from different fingers at the same time testing!) It was horrible. We discussed this all with our midwife the following day and she sent all of my records, and I mean ALL, (dating back to Dr. C’s office from the beginning of our journey!), to the Medical Director/ Consulting Doctor/ OB, Dr. L, who I will have IF for some reason I have to transfer from the birthing center to the hospital. He was on vacation in CA but he went through all of my records on Friday and called me first thing Monday morning to reassure me that everything is fine and I do not need that much monitoring. The midwives and Dr. L all thought it would be a good idea if I switched perinatology offices because the one I had been going to is known to go way overboard on interventions that are unnecessary. So we happily switched.

Our appointment at the new perinatal place was amazing! The ultrasound tech was wonderful! It was obvious that she loved her job and made the experience so personal. She confirmed over and over again that Baby Keytar is growing perfectly. The OB was amazing as well. He told me everything was perfect. He told me that I have “skinny white girl gestational diabetes” and he doesn’t even think it’s a real disease, just how my body is handling pregnancy but that the baby is entirely fine. He did not want me to come in every week for BPPs or NSTs and thought it was ridicuolous that the other place wanted me to. He scheduled me for one last ultrasound at 37 weeks, and as long as everything is good, said that would be it. The diabetes coordinator was also incredible! She looked over all of my numbers form the previous 5 weeks, my meals I had written down so obsessively, and my exercise routine. She said everything was perfect. She told me to keep doing what I’m doing and only test 2-3 times a day. She said as long as everything stays the same that I don’t even need to meet with her again. Everything has been wonderful! Before I met with her my fasting numbers were creeping toward the cutoff at 90. She said if I get more than 3-4 readings above 95 then to call her. I have been eating celery before bed each night and a cheesestick at 2am each night and all of my fasting readings have been in the 70s since. I also put connamon in all of my milk and in my oatmeal each morning. I don’t know if it’s the celery, the cheese, the cinnamon, the combo, my hormones evening out, or the lack of stress, but everything on the gestational diabetes front is fine and I am no longer worried about that being a reason for needing to transfer to a hospital birth. What a HUGE relief!!!! My life is so much better now!!!! SOOOOO much better! I have gone back to enjoying pregnancy. (Well, I still have days where I get extremely sad and frustrated because I am eating the same handful of meals over and over and over and over and over…..)

So in addition to all of that, my parents came out to visit for the past 12 days. They were very helpful! My dad fixed our broken kitchen window, fixed our broken lawnmower, helped hubby move the woodpile out of the driveway, fixed the door to our shed, put together a birdhouse my Pop Pop made and sent out with them for us, took some beautiful photos of us down by the Rio Grande, and did some other odds and ends around the house and property! My mom scrubbed the crap out of our house from top to bottom. I don’t know if hubby’s bathroom has ever been so clean! She made some food for us to freeze, although that plan got pretty squashed because the two days we had planned to make a ton of food were this past Saturday and Sunday and hubby underestimated the amount of propane in our tank and when I asked him to check it we were only at 7% on Saturday morning! So, we did not cook using the stove and oven this weekend. (We used our camping stove and grill, lol) In addition, my mom also took me shopping and bought me some nursing pjs that will be good for the hospital, IF we are to end up there, and for after the baby is born. She also helped us stock up on some groceries to freeze, groceries to cook with for meals to freeze, and some supplies for the house so we don’t run out and have to go to the store after the baby is born. I feel very prepared. There’s a few more things to get done now but I can handle it all. Hubby and I pretty much finished packing our bags this weekend also, which feels good, but kind of crazy!

What else? Oh, my friends threw me a baby shower a couple weekends ago, when my parents first arrived. It was super mellow and relaxed – just my style. Everyone just hung around eating, drinking beers, and mingling. It was wonderful. People decorated onesies and prayer flags. They bought me a ficus tree and friends there and from afar wrote little notes/wishes to us and the baby and then they were tied to the tree. One of our dear friends made us an unbelievable gorgeous quilt that I just can’t get over! It is so us and so perfect! It looks incredible in the nursery. The entire shower was very special and we absolutely loved it!

Wow, so much has happened in the past month…. what am I forgetting? let’s see……

Oh, hubby did a beautiful job on my henna for my belly! It took like 5 hours because he drew it all out with a marker first so he could trace it with the henna. It’s just starting to fade now, 2 weeks later. I’m hoping we can do it again before the birth! Next weekend we plan to do my belly cast, which I am excited about! Well, excited for the result, not the standing while he does it part, lol.

We have been going to our hypnobirthing classes each Wednesday night, which have been great! Although we haven’t had nearly enough time to do our homework throughout the week, which has been disappointing, but we are determined to do more of it starting this week. We only have one birthing class left! We also took a newborn class, which we walked out of feeling like we we were already super knowledgeable and ready for baby, so that felt good. Next week is our last birthing class and the following weekend is our breastfeeding class and then we are done with pre-birth classes! 

We had a midwife appointment yesterday and are now on the weekly schedule! Baby is head down and heartbeat was 145-150, with a great rise, so that’s good news. I did the Group B Strep Test Swab yesterday (Ewww! and  kind of Awful!) and my blood was tested for anemia. I’m pretty worried about my iron levels because they’ve tended to be low in the past, and I’m pretty sure that’s a reason to get transferred and not be able to have the baby at the birth center, but I’m just praying they’re ok. Knowing my luck, they’re not. I’ve been taking iron pills and trying to eat a lot more red meat. So, if they’re too low, there’s not much more I could have done. Fingers crossed for good news on that front!!!! The midwife asked us if we were all packed and actually said, “You’re in the green zone.” Eeek! 🙂

Oh, something pretty cool… As you probably already know, I do acupuncture each week. Well, there are a few massage therapists at my acupuncturist’s office and I have been getting weekly prenatal massages right after acupuncture and only having to pay my $30 copay! So one hour of acupuncture, followed by one hour of massage, and it is only costing me $30!!!! (Well technically costing my mother – who is paying for it. Thanks Mom!!!!) I love New Mexico for this reason! Alternative therapies are mostly covered by insurance, which is amazing! The massage has really helped with my sore fingers (carpal tunnel) that I get at night while sleeping, so I am very grateful for that! It is also making a difference in the knots of my back, although they are still there and annoying.

I guess that’s enough for now. I’d be surprised if anyone is even still reading this, lol!

So I will do my 36 week update and then post a bunch of photos from the past month.

How Far Along: 36 weeks

How Big is Baby: At our 33 week ultrasound Baby Keytar weighed in at 4lb. 15 oz. (70th percentile) and the projected birth weight at 39 weeks is 7 lb. 12 oz.  We have another ultrasound at 37w2d, so we’ll see how baby is growing then.

Gender: Not finding out (but we’re pretty sure it’s a boy.)

Baby’s Milestones This Week: Moving further down and still plumping up!

Total Weight Gain: 26.5 lbs

Who We’ve Told About the Pregnancy: Most people know by now. A photo after our recent baby shower was posted by someone on facebook, so most people who didn’t know, know now!

Maternity Clothes: yup, and they are S-T-R-E-T-C-H-E-D!

Stretch Marks: not really. the ones I got on my breasts at the start of my pregnancy have pretty much faded (weird) and still no sign of anything to speak of on my belly! Hoping it stays that way!

Sleep: has been pretty bad on and off. the last few nights haven’t been horrible, but it’s not wonderful.

Best Moment of the Week: the past few weeks have had some great moments: henna belly! baby shower! parents visiting! baby’s ultrasound and heartbeat! But by far, the best moment since my last post was finding out I only need to test my blood 2-3 times a day AND my numbers are all super low! My dad also took some great photos of us this weekend at Coronado State Monument. That is one of the places we went to the day after we found out my hcg wasn’t doubling and we thought this pregnancy was doomed. Remember our Celestine Prophecy day? You can read that post here Beta Hell and Living Through Our Own Celestine Prophecy

Food Cravings: I’d love some pizza or pasta! Pretty much anything other than what I eat over and over again: eggs, oatmeal, veggie wraps, quesadillas, tacos, chicken or steak/potatoes/broccoli, BLATs

Food Aversions: none

Symptoms: big belly; baby pushing butt out to one side and feet out the other side causing a very sore left side of my uterus; gestational diabetes; getting more tired

Labor Signs: NOOOOO!!!! Stay away for at least another week PLEASE! I can’t give birth at the birthing center until I hit 37 weeks.

Belly Button In or Out: OUT!

Wedding Rings On or Off: Off for awhile now but it still feels weird. I can’t wait to put it back on. My fingers aren’t really swollen, but I’m just leaving it off because after I exercise or if I get hot then it does get tight.

Mood: pretty good i guess. I am getting a little more irritable and I’m super bored of the food I eat over and over again, so that ruins my mood many days. But, overall, I’m very grateful to be this far along!

Movement: Lots of pushing his/her butt out to one side of my belly button and a foot or hand out the side of my belly. My left side of my uterus is sore.

What I’m Looking Forward To: Meeting Baby Keytar and becoming a mommy!

What I Miss: I miss not having to count carbs and test my blood and being able to eat whatever I want.

Nesting: Still checking things off the list around the house! Took out the co-sleeper, pack-n-play, and rock-n-play last night to set up so the dogs and cats can get all of their smelling out of the way before Keytar arrives. Nursery is ready! I’ll take photos soon! House is pretty much clean and ready for the new addition. Going to make a bunch of food to freeze this weekend!

CHECK OUT MY ALIEN BELLY VIDEO :0

 

A shirt I designed and drew for Baby Keytar. The lyrics are from Mike Gordon's song "Yarmouth Road".  (Phish related ;) )

A shirt I designed and drew for Baby Keytar. The lyrics are from Mike Gordon’s song “Yarmouth Road”. (Phish related 😉 )

This is a shirt I made for Baby Keytar! It is a keytar and it says "Play it Leo!" (Another Phish reference)

This is a shirt I made for Baby Keytar! It is a keytar and it says “Play it Leo!” (Another Phish reference)

Once Baby Keytar arrives we will take another photo like this with our little miracles so we can put them side-by-side.

Once Baby Keytar arrives we will take another photo like this with our little miracles so we can put them side-by-side. MY friend’s baby is 3 weeks old now and an IUI baby also thanks to Dr. C  🙂 She is 37 weeks in this photo & I am 32 weeks

33 week bump

33 week bump

 

33 weeks 3D Baby Keytar with a little smirk ;) He/She had arms, legs, and umbilical cord over his/her face but we got a nice glimpse of a cute little face in there anyway!

33 weeks 3D Baby Keytar with a little smirk 😉
He/She had arms, legs, and umbilical cord over his/her face but we got a nice glimpse of a cute little face in there anyway!

34 weeks Henna belly by my amazing hubby!

34 weeks Henna belly by my amazing hubby!

34 weeks Henna belly by my amazing hubby!

34 weeks Henna belly by my amazing hubby!

34 weeks Henna belly by my amazing hubby!

34 weeks Henna belly by my amazing hubby!

34 weeks Henna belly by my amazing hubby!

34 weeks Henna belly by my amazing hubby!

Baby shower in NM!

Baby shower in NM! 34w3d

 

 

On the Rio Grande in Bernalillo, NM at Coronado State Monument looking toward the Sandia Mountains (35w4d) This is where we came the day after we found out my hcg levels were not doubling and we thought it was all over. It was the day we had our own Celestine Prophecy, if you remember that post.

On the Rio Grande in Bernalillo, NM at Coronado State Monument looking toward the Sandia Mountains (35w4d)
This is where we came the day after we found out my hcg levels were not doubling and we thought it was all over. It was the day we had our own Celestine Prophecy, if you remember that post.

On the Rio Grande in Bernalillo, NM at Coronado State Monument looking toward the Sandia Mountains (35w4d) This is where we came the day after we found out my hcg levels were not doubling and we thought it was all over. It was the day we had our own Celestine Prophecy, if you remember that post.

On the Rio Grande in Bernalillo, NM at Coronado State Monument looking toward the Sandia Mountains (35w4d)
This is where we came the day after we found out my hcg levels were not doubling and we thought it was all over. It was the day we had our own Celestine Prophecy, if you remember that post.

On the Rio Grande in Bernalillo, NM at Coronado State Monument looking toward the Sandia Mountains (35w4d) This is where we came the day after we found out my hcg levels were not doubling and we thought it was all over. It was the day we had our own Celestine Prophecy, if you remember that post.

On the Rio Grande in Bernalillo, NM at Coronado State Monument looking toward the Sandia Mountains (35w4d)
This is where we came the day after we found out my hcg levels were not doubling and we thought it was all over. It was the day we had our own Celestine Prophecy, if you remember that post.

In Bernalillo, NM at Coronado State Monument (35w4d) This is where we came the day after we found out my hcg levels were not doubling and we thought it was all over. It was the day we had our own Celestine Prophecy, if you remember that post. These sunflower seeds had just been planted that day!!!

In Bernalillo, NM at Coronado State Monument (35w4d)
This is where we came the day after we found out my hcg levels were not doubling and we thought it was all over. It was the day we had our own Celestine Prophecy, if you remember that post. These sunflower seeds had just been planted that day!!!

8-24-14 BEST Maternity ABQ Rio Grande 18

In Bernalillo, NM at Coronado State Monument (35w4d) This is where we came the day after we found out my hcg levels were not doubling and we thought it was all over. It was the day we had our own Celestine Prophecy, if you remember that post. These sunflower seeds had just been planted that day!!!

31 weeks

How Far Along: 31 weeks

How Big is Baby: last week, at 30 weeks exactly, Baby Keytar was measuring 3 lbs. 2 oz. and measuring 15.9 inches at our ultrasound. He or she is in the 43rd percentile, which they say is perfect, especially because we do not want a large baby due to the gestational diabetes.

Gender: Not finding out (but we’re pretty sure it’s a boy.)

Baby’s Milestones This Week: Baby Keytar is plumping out this week and his/her organs are continuing to mature, especially his/her lungs which are growing stronger and stronger by the day.

Total Weight Gain: 25.5 lbs. I haven’t gained any weight since starting the gestational diabetes diet and exercise, but I’m told that’s normal, so I’m not going to worry as long as Keytar is measuring well.

Who We’ve Told About the Pregnancy: Most people know by now – I think

Maternity Clothes: yup!

Stretch Marks: I think I have a few new ones right above my belly button but they are light and small.

Sleep: not too bad! peeing a few times a night and switching sides due to sore hips but sleeping deeply in between.

Best Moment of the Week: Talked to the OB we will transfer to IF something happens and we have to transfer out of the birthing center. He was so great! He looked over my records and called me, while he was on vacation! The Perinatal place we have been going to wanted to monitor us like crazy and we had a crappy experience there last week. Our midwife thought they were overdoing it and stressing us out for no reason so she sent our records to Dr. L for another opinion. He thinks I am fine and do not need all the extra monitoring right now. We are switching Perinatal places as well, which is exciting, since the one we were going to did not communicate very well, stressed us out to the max, and made me feel like my baby is going to die at any second, even though every test and ultrasound has been perfect.

I also got an invitation in the mail today from my BFF for a baby shower for hubby and I in August! Yay!

We also had our car seat class this past weekend, which made everything seem very real!

Food Cravings: since I can’t eat sweets I’d have to say I’d love some sort of desert like cheesecake. OR pizza would do. But overall, not really craving anything too specific.

Food Aversions: none

Symptoms: big belly moving around like a bowl full of jelly; gestational diabetes

Labor Signs: NOOOOO!!!! Stay away!

Belly Button In or Out: almost out! the sides are popping out but the middle hasn’t yet.

Wedding Rings On or Off: Off! I took it off before we left for NJ. Walking in the heat made my fingers swell enough that I decided to just take it off and put it in a safe place until baby is born.

Mood: pretty good, although I have days that I am annoyed by the schedule of this diabetes management, but overall, I’d have to say I’m in a pretty great mood. How can I not be? I am pregnant.

Movement: Yup! Lots of squirminess and hiccups are a new thing that happen now. Sooo cute but I feel bad for Keytar because we all know hiccups are no fun.

What I’m Looking Forward To: My parents coming to visit next month and the baby shower! But right now I just want time to go by slowly because my hubby has to go back to teaching in 2 weeks and I don’t want him to! He is my personal chef and my rock throughout the day while I deal with this stupid gestational diabetes crap.

What I Miss: I miss not having to count carbs and test my blood.

Nesting: Still checking things off the list around the house! Dying to get started on the baby quilt!

31 week bump

31 weeks

29 weeks! And all about my trip to NJ, my baby shower, & gestational diabetes

Well, I should forewarn you – this is going to be a pretty long entry. I haven’t updated my blog in weeks and so much has happened. I am back home in New Mexico and I started my gestational diabetes regimen 10 days ago. The trip was wonderful overall, but not easy on my body. I’m very glad to be home. I am a homebody and proud of it.

Where to start? I guess I should start by thanking so many of you for your heart-felt responses to my freak-out post about my gestational diabetes diagnosis. You made me feel much better about it. I needed to vent, but I did come back down to earth and remember just how lucky I am to be pregnant. I remind myself all of the time how I would have responded to someone complaining about gestational diabetes a year ago, or heck, even 7 months ago. I would have been pissed and wanted to scream, “At least you’re pregnant!!!” So, although it blows to have this complicated addition to my probably-only pregnancy ever, I am grateful to even have the opportunity to have gestational diabetes – because after all, I never even thought I would be pregnant. So thank you all for your support and for not yelling at me, screaming, “At least you’re pregnant you ungrateful bitch!”

So, as for our trip to Jersey… We left on Wednesday, June 25 to arrive in NJ at about 11pm that night. The day started out fine but somehow by the time we arrived at the airport we were running late. The Albuquerque airport is probably the easiest airport ever but for some reason the check-in line and security line was taking forever! We were getting stressed and hubby lost his belt loop and sunglasses going through security. We finally got to the gate and got on line to board the plane, but of course, I had to pee soooo badly! It was stressful but we finally got our seats on the plane. I was able to get an aisle seat near the front so I was happy. Our flight to Kansas City was not very long at all, so I got up once to go to the bathroom, stretch my legs and walk after an hour. We arrived in Kansas City and followed everyone out of the gate and went to find food. Worst. airport. ever. Gross food and barely any options! We found out we were delayed a bit, ate lunch, and went to find our gate. Apparently we had walked through a door with NO SIGN and were outside of the terminal and had to reenter through security. UG! My ankles were swollen and we had to throw away our expensive unopened airport water that we had purchased in ABQ for the flights. We got on line for security and right when I got to the front of the line the lady who was checking ids and tickets started taking people from some other line and we stood there for like 10 minutes! It was ridiculous! Finally we got through and found our gate. When we got there the monitor said Milwaukee, LaGuardia. Hubby asked the guy why and he told us we had to make a stop in Milwaukee. Whaaat?! Another layover? I was sure that was not specified anywhere. Seriously. He told us that we did not need to get off the plane, so instead of being pissed off, we decided there was nothing we could do, so we laughed about how annoying this trip had become.

We flew to Milwaukee and as we were landing the flight attendant made an announcement that if we were going to LaGuardia we would need to get off the plane because they thought we might need to switch planes. Ug again. Annoying but whatever, right? So we get off the plane and find out the flight is delayed a couple hours. My calves, ankles, and feet were swollen from the flight so we walked around the terminal waiting to hear about the delay. The screen said we would leave at 9:40 pm but when I talked to my mother to let her know we were delayed she told us that the website was saying our departure would be at 10:30. We asked the lady at Southwest and she said there is weather and “We don’t say the ‘C’ word.” Not very reassuring. I wanted to call her the “C word”. We decided we better get some food before everything in the airport closed so we ate the most disgusting pizza I have ever had: 4 small dots of fresh mozzarella in a sea of sauce. Yuck. We walked back and forth through the airport waiting for the screen to change to 10:30 departure. No Southwest employees were to be seen anywhere. Finally they made an announcement, at 9:50, that we would be departing at 10:30pm, but they never changed it on the screen. At that point people started lining up in the boarding area. We were with about 18 other people waiting at the front to board first since we weren’t even supposed to need to get off the plane in the first place. Every single one of them said that they did not know we were making a stop in Milwaukee. At least it wasn’t just us! A Southwest employee came to the boarding area and asked another employee, “Who is supposed to be checking tickets?” There was no answer, so he went onto the plane. When he came back out through the locked door, he went over and whispered to another employee. At this point we were all a little suspicious. About 15 minutes later everyone started getting cancellation texts on our phones from Southwest. Within a few minutes one of the Southwest employees made an announcement, “I’m sure you all know by now that the flight has been cancelled. Unfortunately it looks like all flights to LaGuardia tomorrow are full and there are absolutely no available hotel rooms in the entire city.” Whaaat!?!?! Apparently, Milwaukee’s Summerfest, a 10-day or so huge music festival had started the day before and ALL – seriously- ALL the hotels were completely full. Unbelievable. I just could not believe it. My calves, ankles, and feet were so swollen.

We stood on line with 54 other people trying to get new flights and vouchers. I went on the internet and tried to find a hotel. I had my mother calling hotels, as I called them, and hubby called Southwest to try to get us another flight. He was able to get us the only 2 seats on a flight the following night at 8 pm. Ok, so what the hell were we gonna do until then? I spent 2 1/2 hrs calling hotels and begging them for a room. I am 7 months pregnant and NOT sleeping at an airport after all of this and waiting until the following night to get on a plane! Finally my mother seemed to be giving up, as was my husband. They told me that there were no hotels and I was going to have to sleep in the airport. The line was finally getting shorter after 2 1/2 hours, but we weren’t even on it. We had put ourselves dead last at this point. Hubby said he’d ask for a cot, and blanket and pillow for me. I was not ok with that. I was determined to get to a hotel. We called the rental car place at the airport and they told us they were closing at 12:30 am – It was after 12 am. I searched for hotels further out of Milwaukee, when all of a sudden a girl came over to us and said, “You’re going to LaGuardia, right?” We said, “We’re hoping!” She told us that the women over there had thought of us and that Southwest was going to put the last 20 of us in limos and drive us to Chicago for a 6am flight to LaGuardia from Midway Airport. We said, “We’re in!” I talked to the lady at the desk and she agreed to let us get in the limo since I was pregnant. We had 15 minutes to have them switch our flight, get us new tickets, get us vouchers (we got $600!!!), go get our baggage and make it outside for the limos to pick us up! It was ridiculously frantic! Hubby got his tickets and they told him to go get the baggage while I waited for the vouchers. I was the last person.

I walked as fast as my swollen feet carrying my big backpack would carry me, not knowing where I was even going, to finally find everyone waiting for the limos. My face was bright red but I didn’t care – I needed to get in one of those limos! We waited with everyone and thanked them so much for thinking of us! Two limos pulled up – a stretch limo and a party bus limo. We got in the party bus limo with 10 other people – all sizes, ages, races, etc. This was turning into a movie script. Hubby and I sat at seats at a table with two other women. The driver turned on the fancy ceiling party lights and was going to put a movie on the big screen TV, but we all told him we just wanted to sleep. A man from Southwest came on the bus and thanked us for being so patient and wished us all a safe trip. I guess if this is what was going to happen then Southwest did a great job of helping us all out. Free limo rides in the middle of the night to another airport AND vouchers! Anyway, we drove as fast as possible it seemed, in the middle of the night, about 2 hours to Midway Airport in Chicago. I didn’t sleep AT ALL! It was so uncomfortable and bumpy. I was sitting in a chair and couldn’t move. Finally we got to the airport at about 2:30 in the morning. Southwest wasn’t going to open until 4:00 so we had some time to kill before we could check all of our baggage. There was no place to lay down, no open chairs, nothing. Hubby and I sat on the floor and waited. I stared at my poor swollen legs and apologized over and over to Baby Keytar. I spent the entire night laughing and saying how much fun I was having. After all, what would crying do? What would anything do? Nothing. There was nothing we could do.

I called Southwest and they told me that I could ask for a blue envelope at the Southwest desk to pre-board since I was pregnant. Sweet! I’ll try that. No one had told me that before! Finally baggage opened and we checked our bags and headed a mile or so to our gate. Everyone there was from the limo rides and so sweet. They asked me if I wanted them to go get me food and offered me food they had. We were like a family but no one knew a thing about one another. No one even asked anyone else’s name. I sat in a big comfy chair and moved another one across from me and put my feet up. I waited until the Southwest employee arrived and jumped up to ask about pre-boarding. As soon as I got on line I saw the screen turn on and there was a gate change. We told everyone and our group walked another mile to another gate. I went straight to the counter and got my pre-board pass. We hung out with everyone, laughing about how ridiculous this journey had been. We took a group photo – which I’m sure I’ll never see. Hahaha…. They called for group A and pre-boarders and right before we got on the plane they announced we had another gate change. Ha! We all walked to another gate, yet again, and were a little delayed again. We met some other people because everyone had heard of our group’s story. At this point I had been up for 23 hours and spent most of that time walking with a heavy backpack, or sitting for extended periods of time on a plane or in a van. Not good for a 7 month pregnant woman – but I think I handled it very well. Finally we got on the plane – first! We took the second row and I got my aisle seat. The flight was not very long – thank god!

Finally we arrived in NY. We all said good bye to one another at varying points in the airport. We thanked everyone again for helping us out and we all went our separate ways – kind of like at the end of the movie “Ocean’s 11”. We’ll probably never see each other again, but what a great group of people to experience this journey with. What a long strange trip it had been! Everyone kept saying that it’s such a great story to tell my baby. True. But I just wanted to get to my parent’s house. We met my dad at baggage and finally headed home to NJ. I didn’t go to bed until 9:30 that night, so I had been up for a VERY long time and my legs and feet were still very swollen. I slept like a baby.

The rest of the NJ trip was filled with stuff to do but we kept it as relaxing as humanly possible. On Friday we went down the shore, relaxed on the beach for awhile, kayaked in the bay (I thought I’d have a hard time but it was fine and much needed!), drove the island and checked out hurricane damage, ate lots of seafood, and made a stop at the Seaside boardwalk. Then we hung out with my brother and a couple of his friends when we got back to my parents’ house that night. On Saturday a friend of mine from high school had a pool party for us so we spent the day with a bunch of HS friends. It was actually very relaxing. Most people didn’t know I was pregnant and were surpirsed to hear about our crazy journey to pregnancy. Everyone was very happy for us! It was so nice. (But my calves, ankles, and feet were still a bit swollen, which was annoying. All that exhaustion and exercise, coupled with the humidity really did  a number on me!)

On Sunday my mother threw a baby shower for me at Mezza Luna Ristorante in Allendale, NJ. It was absolutely adorable. We were overwhelmingly showered with gifts and the food was unbelievably delicious! (Thank god I didn’t have to start my new gestational diabetes regimen before this trip! Jersey food is the best!) We had a wonderful time and hubby only teared up once, LOL! The restaurant staff rushed us a lot though, so if you live in the area don’t ever go there or have an event there. If you want to know why, contact me and I’ll tell you all the reasons. But I don’t need to go into that here. It was a beautiful Bee themed shower! Check out the photos!

On Monday we relaxed and then went to visit with some college friends in the evening. They made a big beautiful dinner for us all and after some people left and it was just us and a a few of them, they gave us baby gifts!!! How sweet and thoughtful! It was so unnecessary and such a surprise. We really have some of the greatest friends!

Tuesday we went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art with my folks, so we got our fill of New York City AND Real Art. I got pretty achey and tired after about 3 hours of walking around the museum though.

We had an uneventful trip back to NM on Wednesday. I was able to pre-board again, totally taking advantage of the situation since I might never ever be pregnant again and this would be my last time flying during this pregnancy.

We arrived in NM stinky and with my feet swollen again from the flight. We had a ton of baggage filled with baby shower gifts, but getting it all to our car went smoothly. We changed at our car, went to eat a nice, quiet, relaxing, healthy lunch at Annapurna’s (Ayurvedic Indian food with a serene atmosphere – no one really there in the middle of the day with nice relaxing music playing), and then headed to Dar a Luz for our midwife appointment. The appointment went very well and baby’s heartbeat was in the mid 150s. My blood pressure was a little high the first time so I breathed and it was better – that’s what NJ will do to ya, LOL!

Thursday morning, bright and early, but after a decent night’s sleep, we had our meeting with the diabetes educator/ dietician. She did not seem worried about me being able to manage this with diet and she set me up with my plan. I have to test my blood sugar when I wake up for my fasting number, which should be less than 95. Then, I am allowed 30-45 grams of carbohydrates with breakfast, 30-60 g with lunch, 30-60 with dinner, and 3 snacks a day at 15g. I’ve been eating the low end at 30-35 and been managing it just fine. I am also walking, using the elliptical, or the recumbent bike after every meal for 10-30 minutes depending on the meal. It takes over my entire day at this point, but I’m hoping it will get easier. We’ll see…

So there you have it… that’s what’s been going on in my life for the few weeks that I’ve been so absent from the blogging community.

Here’s my pregnancy update and some photos…

How Far Along: 29 weeks 4 days

How Big is Baby: Despite the increase in fat, Baby Keytar is still pretty thin— probably only about 2 to 3 percent of his/her 2.7-ish pounds is made up of fat. Keytar is probably about 16 inches long.

Gender: Not finding out (but we’re pretty sure it’s a boy!)

Baby’s Milestones This Week: This week marks an important milestone in baby Keytar’s brain development: The brain has matured to the point where it can help regulate body temperature. He/She also continues to develop nerve cells in his/her brain. By the time he/she’s born, Keytar will have hundreds of billions of them. That seems like a lot, but he/she needs to stock up, since he/she won’t produce any more after birth. Baby Keytar is also looking more like a full-term baby, too. He/She’s plumping up nicely; the surface of the skin is smoother and paler because of the fat he/she’s starting to gain. This fat will be an important factor in his/her ability to keep warm. Baby Keytar also has eyelashes.

Total Weight Gain: 20 lbs

Who We’ve Told About the Pregnancy: Most people know by now – I think

Maternity Clothes: yup!

Stretch Marks: no new ones

Sleep: not too bad! peeing a few times a night and switching sides due to sore hips but sleeping deeply in between.

Best Moment of the Week: Well, since this is a multi-week post… my baby shower, kayaking in the bay, hanging out down the shore, going to the Met

Food Cravings: since I can’t eat sweets I’d have to say I’d love some sort of desert like cheesecake. OR pizza would do. But overall, not really craving anything too specific.

Food Aversions: none

Symptoms: big belly moving around like a bowl full of jelly; gestational diabetes

Labor Signs: NOOOOO!!!! Stay away!

Belly Button In or Out: almost out! the sides are popping out but the middle hasn’t yet.

Wedding Rings On or Off: Off! I took it off before we left for NJ. Walking in the heat made my fingers swell enough that I decided to just take it off and put it in a safe place until baby is born.

Mood: pretty good, although I have days that I am annoyed by the schedule of this diabetes management, but overall, I’d have to say I’m in a pretty great mood. How can I not be? I am pregnant.

Movement: Yup! The movement and kicks were a bit painful around 27 weeks, but that has subsided. I feel what I think is Keytar’s head pushing up against my belly quite often. I think it’s the head? Maybe it’s the butt?

What I’m Looking Forward To: my meeting with the diabetes educator/dietician this week to show her my awesome numbers from the past 2 weeks! My midwife appointment on Thursday and acupuncture on Friday. I’m also looking forward to all of the stuff we ordered with our baby shower gift cards to arrive this week!!!

What I Miss: I miss not having to count carbs and test my blood.

Nesting: nursery is almost done! a few more things need to happen but the majority is complete! The top floor of the house is reorganized and finished and now we are working on the basement/my studio and the garage. Can’t wait to have a yard sale and get rid of some stuff!

J & G Island Beach Bay A 6-27-14

27 weeks Island Beach State Park, NJ

bump 29 weeks

29 weeks

Karen_Ferriday-01

invitation (ignore the watermark)

due date pool calendar bees

Everyone wrote their names in either blue or pink and placed a 3D bee sticker on the date they think the baby will arrive. Whoever wins will receive a Burt’s Bees’ gift package.

prayer flag sign

The prayer flags are gorgeous! Yellow and gray fabric. They’ll be strung up and I’ll bring them to hang during the birth.

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baby shower 8

People wrote funny things on diapers for middle of the night changes. We haven’t read them yet. Saving them for the middle of the night changes!

baby shower 7

We got a ton of AWESOME books! Mostly board books. People got us some extremely unique and beautiful books! So exciting!

baby shower 6

Great clothesline with all bee-themed baby clothes, bibs, blankies, etc.

baby shower 5

These were displayed amongst the tables with little bee-themed messages written on each one. The soap was the guest gift.

baby shower 3

My mom’s friend made these!!!

baby shower 2

These were on all the tables. The top babies’ heads are my hubby when he was a baby and the bottom two are me when I was a baby!

baby shower 1

Hubby was so awesome! Only guy there, but after everything we’ve been through he should be there! My mom got him his own gift with all sports-related baby stuff! Soooo cute! He teared up.

baby shower 9 baby shower 4

Bliss turned into shit

I got the call on Friday night from my midwife to let me know that I have gestational diabetes. Fuck. Well at least I got to be a “normal” pregnant person and enjoy pregnancy for about 9 weeks or so. Bleh. Ugh. Tears. Lot of tears. First many, many years of infertility and now this. I have always been super thin and I eat super well,exclusively organic at home. It just seems so unfair and I feel robbed yet once again.

I took the 2 hr test on Thursday. My fasting level was fine at 70, they told me they like to see it below 92. My 1 hr result was 208, which should be 180 or below. Crap. My 2 hr result was 150 and should be below 152, so my body starting doing what it was supposed to at that point. My midwife kept telling me that she thought everything would be fine and I would be able to manage it through diet and exercise. She said that only one person has had to be transferred and that all of the other mamas have been able to manage it just fine through diet and exercise and have their babies at the birth center. I sure hope I can! I’m so worried about not being able to have a natural birth at the birthing center. I don’t want a c-section. I want my body to do what the fuck it’s supposed to do. I am sick of being in the small percentages of people where things go wrong. I want this baby to be perfectly healthy. I don’t want to have to worry about type II diabetes for the rest of my life. I’m so pissed off at the universe. I feel guilty, even though I know I shouldn’t. I just want to go back to being blissfully happy every day and enjoying this pregnancy. Now I just want it to go by as quickly as possible and be over with – which just breaks my heart and sends me into spirals of tears all day long. I am just so sad. And the worst part about it is that I am leaving on Wednesday for my trip to NJ to see my family and have my baby shower, so I won’t be able to get out of this limbo until I get back and can meet with a dietician at the Perinatal Associates. Luckily we already go there for ultrasounds so we are already a part of the system and should be able to meet with the dietician/educator pretty quickly. My midwife sent them a referral late on Friday so they should call me Monday to set up an appointment. I know I could exercise more so we’ve started taking walks throughout the day after eating. I did a bunch of research online but it all seems so overwhelming when you don’t have an actual monitor to see what the food does to your individual body. I got the call at about 4:30 pm on Friday and she told me to not worry about doing anything about it until I get back from my trip. I asked her what I should do for now and she said I could focus on adding more exercise. I tried to eat a gestational diabetes diet yesterday in between walks but, like I said, I have no idea if it helped or not because I don’t have a monitor to start assessing my specific needs. I can’t stop crying, am so depressed and overwhelmed, and I just feel like stressing over something I know very little about is a waste of energy. I will keep exercising this week but this morning I’ve decided not to stress myself out with a self-diagnosed diet at this point. The news is upsetting and stressful enough on its own and I don’t need to add to the baby’s stress if I don’t have to. Fuck this. This fucking sucks. Big time. I wish I could stop crying. And I read it can be genetic from both sides, since the placenta is made up of both mine and hubby’s stuff. Not sure if that’s true, but my mother-in-law emailed me yesterday and said she had it when she was pregnant with my husband. I read that if your mother-in-law had it you could have it too. Wish I had known that, if that’s true. It doesn’t really matter now I guess. What’s done is done. But I just wish I was stronger and could stop being so sad and depressed and teary. I feel like I’m grieving the perfect pregnancy I was having. It’s over – no more normalcy for us.

24 & 25 weeks AND a big sorry to you all

I want to start by apologizing for appearing to be so lame lately on commenting on posts. My computer up and died of old age and I’ve been using my phone to read posts lately. I have been commenting but realized the other day that NONE of the comments actually publish when I use my phone! Apparently this has been the case for months!!! I will be getting a new ohone soon. So it seems like only my likes are showing up. I just got a new laptop so I will start commenting again. I did not turn into a self-absorbed pregnant lady who forgot all of you. I’ve been following along with everyone and trying to stay involved. I’m glad I figured out that none of my comments were publishing so I don’t waste any more of my time typing out comments on my itty bitty phone screen- jeesh.

Anyway, I didn’t post last week, so I’m doubling up this week for weeks 24 & 25. We had a midwife appointment at 23w5d, which went perfectly well. Heartbeat was 152 and my first fundal height measurement was 25cm. It was a pretty uneventful appointment, which is how I like it. We have our next appointment at 26w1d to do a bunch of tests including bloodwork and gestational diabetes.  I’ll go back a few days after for my Rhogam shot. I’m pretty nervous about the gestational diabetes test!!! That would suck!!!

We also had our perinatal appointment for an ultrasound at 23w6d and were able to get some 3d shots as well. They’re pretty weird but also very cool! Baby Keytar was moving around for hours and the ultrasound took forever because he/she wouldn’t really cooperate. (Kinda sucky for the tech but more time for us to see our baby!) But then of course when we got to the 3d part Keytar decided to snuggle up against the placenta and didn’t want to give us very good shots. We did get a super cute shot of him/her with his/her foot up against the head with big toe in the forehead. Keytar was folded right in half- little yoga star. Pretty adorable. Heartbeat was 157 and he/she was measuring in the 62nd percentile, which earned us “an A+” according to the nurse. At 23w6d Keytar was 1lb. 9 oz. We decided will not go back for another ultrasound until mid-July at 30 weeks.

In addition to our appointments, we’ve been enjoying nesting, shopping, relaxing, and doing summer stuff. My birthday was also this week on my 25 week mark. Hello 34! This was the first bday in many, many years that was not sad and depressing. Sooooo thankful!

How Far Along: 25 weeks 3 days

How Big is Baby: 11 days ago Keytar was weighing in at 1 lb. 9 oz. He/She is now bigger than an ear of corn, about the size of a rutabaga .

Gender: Not finding out (but we’re pretty sure it’s a boy!)

Baby’s Milestones This Week: In the last couple weeks Keytar’s lungs have been developing “branches” of the respiratory “tree” as well as cells that produce surfactant, a substance that will help his/her air sacs inflate once he/she hits the outside world. He/She is starting to plump up with some fat and stretch out that wrinkly skin, as well as growing more hair.

Total Weight Gain: about 16 lbs

Who We’ve Told About the Pregnancy: I think most people who should know now know

Maternity Clothes: yup! Got some more hand-me-downs which is fun! A few of my old skirts and sundresses fit, but I’m mostly in maternity clothes now.

Stretch Marks: No new ones

Sleep: Depends – hips hurt if I lay on one side too long and I have to pee often, but sleep hasn’t been terrible overall.

Best Moment of the Week: Our ultra long ultrasound and the 3d ultrasound (COOLEST thing was seeing the punches and kicks on the screen at the same time I was feeling them and seeing my belly move!), our midwife appointment (hearing the heartbeat is always neat!), Viability Day at 24 weeks!!! and my 34th birthday at the 25 week mark.

Food Cravings: nectarines, lemonade, sweets (although I don’t indulge in that craving often), craved Doritos the other day

Food Aversions: none! Loving most food!

Symptoms: kicks, punches, flips in my growing baby belly; lovely (NOT!) chest/shoulder/back acne (It could be much worse and I am very thankful it’s staying away from my face but I’ve never had pimples on my back/chest/shoulders before so I’m not into that); stretching uterus; huge boobs with blue veins; itchy stretching skin

Labor Signs: NOOOOO!!!!! And stay away!

Belly Button In or Out: still flat but I’m still thinking it will pop.

Wedding Rings On or Off: on but when it’s hot I can feel it getting very tight

Mood: Mostly wonderful, thankful, feeling blessed. Of course, the hormones kick in and grab control every once in awhile but I’m almost exclusively feeling wonderful! Everyday, multiple times per day, I am overwhelmed with happiness, excitement, and in awe of this pregnancy!!! I just can not get over how crazy it is that I have an actual healthy baby inside of me!

Movement: yes! kicks, punches, flips. Mostly when I wake up in the morning, when I change sides at night, after eating, and at night before bed.

What I’m Looking Forward To: Getting my gestational diabetes test done and hopefully passing (fingers crossed!!!!); going home to NJ in a week and a half to see my family, friends, and have my family baby shower! Whaaat?!?! WE GET A BABY SHOWER FOR A REAL TO-BE BABY?!?!

What I Miss: I really wanted a mimosa the other day when we went out for breakfast. I haven’t wanted any alcohol since I got pregnant but something about a bubbly orange juice just sounds sooo good! I also totally miss Caesar salads, mousse, feta and goat cheese!!!!

Nesting: Yup! Checking things off the list!

24 week bump24 weeks

25 week bump my 34 bday25 weeks – My 34th bday!